Getting back into the dating scene at 50+ can be intimidating. These tips can help make the experience more enjoyable and less stressful.
Dating isn't just for the young. Jumping back into the dating world as an older adult can feel overwhelming and nerve-wracking. What do people talk about now? Who pays? Should you mention past relationships? Don't worry; here are some essential dos and don'ts for a successful first date.
What to Do on a First Date
Stay Positive and Confident: Your attitude can make or break your date, says Bela Gandhi, founder of the Smart Dating Academy in Chicago. “Adopt a mindset of eternal hope, believing love will come to you when, not if. There are plenty of fish in the sea; get excited.” Dressing well for yourself and your date can boost your confidence.
Mind Your Body Language: Tennesha Wood, founder of the Broom List in Atlanta, suggests that a welcoming presence is key when meeting someone new. Face your date when speaking and maintain direct eye contact.
Be Honest: Honesty about your age, online profiles, and photographs is crucial, Wood advises. “The worst thing you can do is be dishonest. It will erode trust before it’s even built.”
Come Prepared: Conversation is a two-way street. Prepare questions to ask your date about their life and dreams, and be ready to answer similar questions. Open-ended questions like “What was the last book you read?” or “Where have you traveled?” can prompt more engaging discussions.
Keep First Dates Short: Limit your first few dates to about two hours, suggests Gandhi. This prevents the brain from focusing more on the negatives than the positives. Opt for coffee, lunch, or an appetizer rather than a long dinner.
Choose the Right Venue: Plan an active first date, such as a walk in the park or a round of mini-golf. This makes conversations easier, Gandhi says. Steve Holt, an entrepreneur from Sandpoint, Idaho, likes to take a walk, grab a coffee, or share a glass of wine on a first date.
Agree on Payment Terms Early: EHarmony advises that you agree on payment terms before or at the start of the date to avoid awkwardness when the check arrives. Whether you choose to pay or split the bill, setting expectations can make the end of the date smoother.
What to Avoid on a First Date
Don’t Greet with a Handshake: A hug shows warmth and comfort, says Gandhi. “It’s not a business meeting.”
Don’t Bring Baggage: Avoid long conversations about past divorces or grief over a lost partner, especially on a first date, Wood advises. Also, avoid comparing your date to previous partners.
Don’t Set Up Obstacles: Keep an open mind. Don’t limit yourself to specific traits like height or proximity. “If the values align, give people a chance,” Wood says.
Don’t Get Distracted: Keep your phone out of sight and possibly turned off. The dating service It’s Just Lunch advises that first dates should be “no phone zones.” If someone is frequently looking at their phone, they’re likely not interested.
Don’t Put Yourself in Unsafe Situations: Protect yourself by not sharing personal information, including your last name, until after the first date. Provide your own transportation and meet in familiar public places for the first few dates. Gandhi recommends using a Google Voice phone number just for dating.
Don’t Worry if Sparks Don’t Fly Right Away: Gandhi recommends a Zoom or FaceTime call before meeting in person. “A video call is worth 10,000 words if a picture is worth 1,000 words,” she says. Relationships take time to develop, so consider going on a second and third date to get to know the person better.
Cautious About Immediate Intimacy: Jumping into physical intimacy can overshadow emotional connection, says Holt. He suggests waiting to see if there is long-term potential before becoming intimate. According to the Singles in America report by Match, while 31% of singles are comfortable with sex within the first three dates, 69% prefer to wait longer.
“As we age, dating is different,” Holt says. “We seek long-term relationships rather than dating for its own sake. We quickly consider if we want to be with this person long-term.”
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